The 'Baby on Board' Sign
Are those stickers a way for parents to feel like they're doing something for their child's safety without actually doing anything?
Ah, the "baby on board" sign. You've seen it on the back of countless minivans, SUVs, and sedans. But let's be honest, does anyone care if a baby is on board? Babies are cute and all, but do we need a sign to remind us? Does the sign actually do anything to make other drivers more cautious?
While the "baby on board" sign may have been well-intentioned when it was first introduced, it has several issues that make it less effective and more of a cultural quirk than a helpful safety measure.
Let’s address the obvious: the sign assumes that other drivers are reckless and need the warning to be careful around a car with a baby in it. Newsflash: most drivers cannot legally crash into other vehicles, whether or not they contain a baby. If we're going to have a sign on the back of a car, let's make it an equal opportunity sign that says "humans on board" or "living beings on board" or something else that's inclusive. The sign implies that a baby's safety is somehow more important than the safety of other passengers. Aren’t adults are just as deserving of protection as babies?
I've spotted those "baby on board" signs on vehicles you'd least expect, like sports cars or motorcycles. They seem less a caution and more a punchline, flaunting the absurdity of the concept. The sign may be clinging to a car with tinted windows, rap music booming, and a fog of mystery billowing from the windows. It's as if a rapper with 'baby' in their stage name was along for the ride (Lil' Baby or Da Baby, anyone?). There’s a baby in one of those cars, just like there's a chance that chocolate cake is the next superfood.
It seems as if that the "baby on board" sign has become something of a cultural artifact, particularly in the United States. The sign gained popularity in the 1980s and has become a ubiquitous symbol of parenthood and family life. However, this popularity has also led to the sign losing some of its original intent and becoming more of a cultural meme than a safety tool.
The “baby on board” sign, to me, is a marvel of automotive safety, right up there with fuzzy dice and bumper stickers declaring your political views. Forget about mundane things like a proper-fitting car seat or sensible driving; no, the real key to road safety is letting everyone know about your adorable passenger.
By the way, have you checked out the latest car seats for babies and toddlers? They’re so secure, they make racing seats at a Formula One race look like rocking chairs. I mean, seriously, strap your little one into one of these bad boys, and they’re ready to take on the Grand Prix – or at least a trip to the grocery store.
Clayton is the founder and publisher of the social and political commentary newsletter Think Things Through and the host of the Think Things Through Podcast.
Such virtue-signaling displays are doomed to become objects of satire, with few exceptions. Around Colorado during those same times, there first emerged a bumper sticker of green-silhouetted mountains against a white sky, emblazoned with the word "Native.' We were to assume, apparently, that a driver's being a person born in Colorado assigned him or her certain superior qualities, whatever those may have been.
Of course, given the history since the Sand Creek massacre in the southeastern corner of the State in 1863, and the subsequent departure of most of Colorado's once-prolific populace of genuine 'natives' from the region, the sticker had certain problematic implications for some.
For others, in an era when much of the State's urban-suburban population had been greatly swelled recently by slope-envy emigres from the East Coast (aka 'New Yorkers', for lack of a better disparagement), the sticker came to be seen as some kind of "Yankee Go Home" slur, which of course resulted in sticker printers issuing such knockoffs as Transplant, Semi-Native, Semi-Transplant, Who Cares? and eventually, simply 'Ugly' (which was of course followed up in due course with 'Semi-Ugly', the version I recall as being the most popular and enduring in the long run...)
But of course my personal favorite, expressing a sentiment I share to this day (and never satirized as I recall, probably for having too many words in it) was:
"It will be a fine day when our schools have all the funding they need, and the air force will have to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber."